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By Tomi Lala
According to Oxford dictionary, marriage is the legal or formal recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship, meanwhile, in a biblical definition, marriage is the reason is why a man leaves his father and mother he’s united to his wife, while they become one flesh.
It is believed that marriages originated from heaven, whether it is arranged or love marriages. Yet, sometimes marriages fail despite years of courting and living together for many years.
In this article, Osun Spring Newspaper takes a look at why marriages fail and possible ways to have an healthy marriage as well as possible reasons for marriage failure.
Marriage can be seen as a universal, irrespective of race, colour or nations, checks has however revealed that there are common challenges couples face that may in one way or the other lead to breakdown if not adequately attended to, which could be lack of communication, lack of money or lack of sexual pleasure.
Expert says communication is the bedrock of a successful marital life. It’s through communication that most cases of disagreements between spouses can be adequately ironed out and if there’s any breakdown in communication, then the life of that marriage is gradually going down.
Experts however advised that what couples needs to do is to create time for one another in discussing various aspects of their relationship noting that if this can be adequately put in place, there would be less issues related to communication breakdown in marriages which will in turn lead to success in such marriage.
In an interview with Pastor Isaac Daramola if the Living Faith Church Iperindo, he elaborated some reasons behind failure of marriages.
He said “Before spouses in relationships agree to marry they must or should’ve discussed at length to the “of what their cultures (if they are of different tribes) or religion (if they’re of different religion, or of different denomination) will play in their marriage. This is very much important, not because of today but because of the coming future.
“First, we must understand that the bible condemns leaving conflicts unresolved till the next day.
“If conflicts are left unresolved, it will be like a wound unattended to that may lead to infection thereby festering the wound. So, for couples to truly enjoy their marriage, this issue must consciously be worked on.
“Number one, create room for genuine communication. Secondly, Spouses must never emotionally abuse the other or try to override the other’s emotions, or else, it will never give the spouses a viable ground to agree.
“The number three thing is that spouse must believe that no one is ever perfect. Therefore, there should be room for mistakes and forgiveness in their marital life.
“If there was no understanding of the financial capacity of the provider to the other spouse, then their would be issues. This is why we encourage open accountability and transparency between spouse. This is what will make finances not to be an issue in the marriage.
“My advice is as as follows, Husband as the provider should always be transparent with his spouse and Wives should please manage the financial resources of the spouse judiciously and if there’s any way she 2can also help, she should do so.
“Trust is what long lasting relationship is built on not just love, anywhere there is trust, their will be love. Spouses cannot trust themselves and say they don’t love one another.
Their may be love, buy if there is no trust, then the marriage will soon breakdown.
“They must continually trust one another and never give room to gossips because gossips is one of the erosion of trust in marriage and at the end, it will lead to divorce.
Osun spring correspondent also spoke Miss Victoria Funmilayo Bamigboye, who recommended some strategies for couples.
“They should be prayerful and always try as much as possible to serve God together.
“Secondly, they should take the word of God as their major source of marital nourishment. Because, doing this will strengthen the cord of their relationship inorder to weather all kind of storms that may want to arise.
“Thirdly, they should read books, listen to tapes of respected men and women of God who are having success in their marriage, and follow their footsteps.
“Money plays a major role in keeping the flow in a marriage. We can love freely but love in itself is being sustained and developed with money.
“As marriage grows so are the bills of marriage increases. The mentality that the man bears all responsibilities Is good but very overwhelming.A wife should be supportive as much as possible which should be willingly.
“One strategy that should be used is the use of a joint account where they both put money in for agreed purposes. Also as the man tries to cater for the home, the wife should buy some petty things in the house without asking him for the money which makes the man not feel alone.
“Number two thing is Secrets. Marriage is just as lovely as its basis. The transparency of such a foundation is among its most intriguing features. Any relationship’s sincerity can be determined by its openness.
Conversely, secrets are an inherent aspect of any individual’s life, be it their past, present, or future.
“Although sharing secrets makes one predictable and vulnerable, one should still be able to trust their partner.
“An excessive amount of secrecy in a partnership erodes trust, loyalty, and love.
Secrets have the potential to turn a couple into strangers since they make them feel as though they don’t know each other well enough.
“A secret that was kept from and found out by the try may ruin a marriage since it would make him or her feel unjustly treated and betrayed. Secrets are weaknesses that outsiders can exploit to drive a wedge between a couple.
“If you withhold secrets from your partners out of concern for their feelings toward you, what would happen if they found out? Share the secrets with discernment, and those who choose you will do so forever. Love shouldn’t be accompanied by fear; secrets breed fear.
“We are from different backgrounds so we will have different values, priorities and goals, but we have to first discuss these things to understand each other’s perspectives and try to find common ground, then the parties must be willing to compromise and look for common ground that accepts each others need and value but these things should be treated with care and respect
“One other thing is Parenting styles. Differences in parenting styles can lead to conflicts between partners, as they may have different ideas about discipline,rules and priorities. These conflicts can strain the relationship and affect The party’s communication the best way to address this issue is to have honest and open Communication with your Partner with willingness to compromise”, she said.
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